Single for a while? Keep going.
True story
Last week I called a man who has access to my entire financial life. A routine business call — an update, paperwork, bank statements. And somewhere in that call, he asked me why I’m single. What I’m looking for in a man. Because he’d like to introduce himself.
I laughed. Not because it was funny. Because of what it revealed. He had my whole financial picture in front of him and the thing that stood out to him was that I’m alone. As if that’s the one line item that needs fixing
That moment became this week’s solo episode.
What stayed with me
The question “why are you single?” is rarely a question. It’s an assumption wearing a question mark — that single is the broken state and partnered is the solved one. Most people asking aren’t trying to hurt you. They were handed one picture of what a good life looks like, the same picture I was handed, and they’re checking on you with the only map they were given. Understanding that changed how I receive the question. It didn’t change my answer.
The world does make it harder — you’re not imagining it. Every form that asks for a plus-one. Every table set for couples. Every well-meaning question that lands like a diagnosis. If you’re single in your 30s, 40s or 50s, the weight you feel isn’t a flaw in you. It’s the design of the world around you. And you’re not broken for feeling it.
One true sentence ends the explaining. Mine is: I’m building myself, so that when it happens, it’s built on something solid. That usually ends the conversation — because there’s nothing left to fix.
My reflections
A few years ago I stopped dating. Not because I gave up, but because I saw two options in front of me: keep doing what everyone does — the apps, the blaming, the timing — or stop and build the person who would actually be ready for the right thing, instead of just available for the next thing.
What I want is a partnership, not a relationship that fills a gap. Two whole people choosing each other — not one person borrowing the other’s energy because he hasn’t built his own. That takes time. It’s not supposed to be quick.
And in the episode I admit something I’ve never said publicly: there were times I told people I was with someone, just so they would stop asking. So many times. I say it without shame now, because we’ve all found our ways to quiet the noise. Maybe it’s time we stop apologizing for it instead.
A question for you
What’s the funniest or strangest comment you’ve gotten about being single — or have you ever quieted the noise the way I did?
Hit reply and tell me. I read everything.
Keep catching those green lights and until next week,
Cris